Another turn of the wheel

September is coming to a close. For a lot of us moderns (in the Northern Hemisphere), it means the end of summer and the beginning of autumn. For a lot of cultures, both past and present, it means the end of a year and the beginning of another. The vernal equinox is recently behind us. Day and night were in balance, and from now until the winter solstice, darkness will increase at the expense of light. It's nothing new. It's been going on as long as any of us (humans - past or present) can remember.

We moderns like to think we're above all that "superstition". The change of seasons is a meteorological phenomenon, nothing more. There's nothing magical, mystical, or even significant about it. It happens every year and will happen every year in the future as long as any of us live.

Pretty straightforward, isn't it? Pretty sad, too, isn't it? Yes, it's sad. Do you remember when you were a child and the world was full of magic? Make-believe was real. Fairy tales were true. The world was populated with ghosts and spirits and pixies and who knows what else? Sure, we like to tell ourselves, the time come when we have to grow up, but does that mean we have to stop being enthralled by the world? What if -- just, what if -- we could be reasonable, responsible adults and still maintain some of that mysterious magic of childhood? What would be wrong with that? If we take the time and make the effort to think back to those times, most of will find they were the happiest and most creative times of our lives. For too many young people, for children, today, they are anything but that. Today's children, for the most part, have to grow up fast and tough. There's no time for childishness, for magic, for anything that doesn't help us make a buck. Now, isn't that grand?

When seen in a certain light, our lives today are not all that different from those of our forebears. Oh sure, we have electric lights and appliances, indoor plumbing and heating, and the marvels of modern science. But, at bottom, most of us have a dangerous, demanding, and too often exhausting struggle for existence. Living from paycheck to paycheck really isn't all that different from living from one harvest to the next.

Taking to time to acknowledge the turning of the wheel, be it of harvests or seasons, is a way of allowing that magical creativeness that is a part of each of us to recharge and rejuvenate ourselves. We don't have to leave the magic behind us as we get older, we need to find new, perhaps adult ways, of incorporating it into our lives.

Of course, if you have no idea why you're even here, you won't know where to put it anyhow.

The meaning of life?

The controversial, yet nevertheless fascinating, German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote, "He who has a why to live can endure almost any how." If you've been following the most recent posts, you'll have little trouble understanding that I think the man was onto something.

Another German (language) thinker, Viktor E. Frankl, survivor of the Holocaust and psychoanalyst, said, "Challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human." Those of who you've been following the most recent posts will have little trouble understanding that I think this man was onto something as well.

There is no lack of "good" advice as to what you should or should not be doing at any point, at any stage, at any minute of your life. Most of this advice is naturally well-intended, but we all know about how the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. While not necessarily being so critical of such intentions, in the end, what really matters is not what think or believe, but what we decide to do about it. Frankl also informed us that "A human being is a deciding being." At this point, I also feel compelled to remind us all that deciding not to do something is still making a decision.

There is no book on the face of this planet, nor has one ever been written, that contains the answer to question regarding the meaning of life. The only person who will ever be able to answer that question is you. And, you can only ever answer it for yourself.

No one is more surprised than me at how many words I can find to throw at this one particular topic, but given the magnitude of the question, the importance of the answer, the consequences of decisions made on that basis, I feel justified in trying to get this horse up on its feet again. You see, when I look out into the world, at the state of affairs, at the news -- from shootings in Ferguson to the Ukraine to Iraq (again), through all the political posturing going on in both East and West, to what we're doing to our home (the Earth, in case you were wondering) -- or merely at my fellow commuters trudging to work everyday, I have to ask myself repeatedly why we make life so hard on ourselves? If there were such a thing as aliens and they were "checking us out", they would have to be confused by the sheer degree of contradictions we foist upon ourselves each and every day.

And so, I can only encourage -- admonish -- each of us to take a step back from the brink, for the edge of whatever abyss (actual, psychological, emotional) we've driven ourselves to and reflect for a while on the "why" of your own life.

The meaning of life

Taking the time to come up with a reasonable, considered answer to the question "Why am I here?" is worth the effort because it provides you, quite simply, for your own personal reason for living.

People with severe depression, terminal illnesses, who are imprisoned, being persecuted and tortured, starving to death, or worse often lose (at least sight of) their reason. I am saddened deeply when I think that so many will leave this place without ever having the slightest inclination of why they were ever here. But you, dear reader, are in a very privileged position: you have the time, the ability and the wherewithal to do just that: find your real reason for living, for being on this planet at this time, in whatever place you are. But as I never hesitate to remind you: it's not just about you, it only starts with you.

You may discover "a" reason for your life, but is it "the" reason? How would you know? Remember, you are not alone here. There are plenty of others around you all the time, some close physically, some genetically, some psychologically or socially ... your mileage will vary. How does your reason stack up against theirs? How compatible is it with theirs? How much in conflict is it perhaps? Is your reason better/more important/more worthwhile than theirs? What makes you think so and what do you think you ought to do about it? My guess is that you'll come up with a pretty significant number of reasons along the way to finding the "real", the "true", one.

One of the things that both amazes me and simultaneously disgusts me at the same time is how lightly we take such questions and how ready and willing most of us are to assert our reasons over and at the expense of others'. I think it's all too clear -- and even a casual look around you or at the news on any given day will confirm -- that way too many people think their supposed reasons are much better/more important/more worthwhile than others'.

What entitles me (or any of us) to more water, food, shelter, clothing, natural resources, security, happiness, recognition, or love than anyone else? Why do I think I should have more of any of these and that others should simply have less? How did we come up with the idea that coincidentally being born at any given place at any given time should determine what I may be allowed to even expect from life, let alone justify the reason for my existence? That's never really been clear to me and no one has ever explained it in any reasonable way. And so I continue to wonder, to be amazed, and, of course, disgusted.

I'm not foolish enough to think that many of you will take up the challenge. It's much easier to dump a bucket of ice water over your head (or not) than to stop and ask yourself what is the real meaning of your own life.

Take a step back from the brink

The last couple of posts were a bit of an excursion, a slight diversion. They were, if you will, simple exercises in what I was implying in regard to knowing oneself.

If we're honest, most of get up in the morning, go about our daily business, find fleeting moments of happiness, others of frustration and aggravation; we chat with others about nothing in particular and wish the world were a better place, but are, for the most part thankful, that we live in a pretty good part of that world. And that's it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not faulting anyone for that ... the phrase "most of us" implies at least that I'm part of that group, though I have my days when I don't really feel like playing the usual game. (On those days, I generally write this blog.)

But here's the thing ... well, two things actually: first, we're not here just for ourselves; without others there would be none of us individuals. But, second, the deeper, more important question is why we're here at all? I know, I know, you're thinking, "he's finally lost it," but I haven't lost anything at all.

Seriously, did you ever really stop to think about it? Why are you here, where you are, why do you even exist?

Any quick-and-dirty answers you might come up with ("because I was born", "because my parents had children", or any other nonsensical statements) are not answers at all. They are things we say so we don't have to think. Materialistic science will tell you that we -- any and all of us -- are here by mere chance; we're accidents of nature; there's really no reason at all. Some people may be satisfied with that, but I would bet that if they took some time to seriously think about the question, they wouldn't be so satisfied anymore. Fundamentalist religion will tell you that you are here to participate in some Grand Scheme in which a select few will live forever and the vast majority of others (mostly because they didn't say the right things at the right time or didn't do the right thing when told to by someone who had said the right thing at the right time) will be tortured forever and ever. Sounds more like a Sadistic Plot than a Grand Scheme if you ask me. It also sounds like a useful way to dupe a lot of people so that they can be controlled more easily. In other words, even some of the alleged, thought-through answers aren't answers either.

No, the only person who can answer the question for you is you. You are the one who has to take some time, stop and think, and come up with your own personal answer. It won't be easy, I can assure you, but it is worth the effort.

Over the brink

The observant follower of the discussion is certainly starting to think that our ideal community is going to start degenerating rather quickly. Not everyone is equally talented, tolerant, capable, or willing. The group being bigger than any single individual represents a new order, a higher order, an hierarchical order which means that some will start wanting more for themselves or those closest to themselves and others will start feeling entitled to more for whatever reason.

I agree that this is precisely how we think these days. And I would hasten to point out that this is precisely the root of most of our problems, both individually and collectively. Implicit in this reasoning is that some are somehow "better" or "more deserving" than others. But it is at this point that we may just have things backwards.

Let's look at this from the other way around. In any given group, there are going to be individuals who need more help and support than others. Babies need more of such than children, who need more of such than young adults, and while adults should be generally close to self-sufficient, some aren't and once one passes a certain age, we start needed more and more help and support from others. What is more, someone will always be sick or injured or mildly or seriously impaired in some way. In other words, by turning the viewpoint around we see that we don't start from the strongest, we start from the weakest. If we can provide for them we can certainly provide for ourselves as well.

In the almost 1,000,000 years of proto-human and human activity on this planet, you would think that by now the "accepted" view of things is questionable. We don't live in anything like an ideal world and we certainly don't appear to be getting any closer to one either (rising income inequality, number of people without enough food and clean water, global warming in the name of profit, suppression by radical religionists, perpetual violence inflicted by alleged lovers of liberty ... the list goes on). There are many who maintain it is simply not in our nature to be otherwise, but the mere fact that even one of the species (say, me) can imagine things being different by means of a simple shift of perspective (and I am certainly neither unique nor alone), we can safely assume the ability to imagine is our true nature, and our ability to act upon that imagination is a part of "who we are" as well.

The shift is a simple one actually: it is away from having power over others to using ones' own powers to help and support others. The energy, the resources, the effort, the time is probably the same regardless which way we work, but the direction makes all the difference in the world. It would be a different world, and I believe a better world.

Of course, we can just continue on as we have, but it's only a matter of time -- and not all that long, I would guess -- that we'll simply be over the brink. It really is our choice.

Over the edge

We are not alone. We are never alone. Well, unless we have become an anchorite, eremite, hermit or recluse.

No matter what all those post-Enlightenment, neoliberal, self-centered individualists try to tell you, it has never been, nor will it ever be, simply every person for him/herself. We have evolved, we are built, we are programmed, and we are by nature social beings.

Yes, the family, either nuclear or extended, is the starting point, and I know that not everyone's family life is all that ideal. Family can be a blessing or a curse, but there are so many factors that play into that, both individual and genetic/collective. In extended families, or even small communities, there is the possibility that one always finds a "parent", a "sibling", someone who is there for one and for whom you can be there for too; others with whom we can share, both good and bad times, happy and sad feelings, who can provide advice, encouragement, or, when necessary, admonishment when we need it.

But here's the thing: everything that I've said about the individual up to this point -- his or her fear of confronting themselves, of needing to take up the Quest, of embarking about the Hero's Journey -- all of these things apply to the family/clan/community as well. Collectively you must establish who you are, what you believe, what is important to you, what you stand for, and what you want nothing to do with. You must seek and find your collective identity.

This will never be as firm, as grounded, as your individual identity, but it also need not be. The group, more than the individual, will change over time. Young ones will be born, partners will be sought and found outside the core community, so compromises must be made, perhaps expansions or contractions of long-held ideas. Who knows? Like every individual, a group, too, must develop, grow, adapt, and, hopefully, gain in wisdom as well.

The picture that is developing is rather simple. I extend as far as the other and the other ends at me. With those with whom we share interests, viewpoints, ideas, thoughts and desires, an overlap exists and the edges of our selves become slightly blurred and permeable. They are not so sharp and distinct. The commonalities bind, the differences enhance. In the group, we each become more than we are individually.

Sounds a bit too ideal doesn't it? Maybe so ... but maybe not.

Over the threshold

A lot of things can force you over the threshold, whether you want to go or not. Thirteen years ago America, as a nation, was pushed over a threshold, but we were ill-prepared for it, so we've made a mess of it. We made it about "having" (liberty, power, might) instead of about "being" (free, wise, right). The same thing could happen to any of us, especially if we're forced to cross. It's always better to go voluntarily. Take charge with that very first step. It makes a difference.

What we have cannot define us. We're not our cars, our houses, our jobs, our bank accounts, our titles or anything like that. What others have about (or on) us cannot define us. We're not the gazillion of data points, bits of information or emails the alphabet agencies or commercial enterprises have collected on us. All these "have" things can only, at best, be rather arbitrarily combined, mixed and matched to create a picture, a perception, an idea of us. But, in the end, that is not us. If we, on the other hand, know no better, we believe that we're the picture, the perception or the idea. When we do, we become slaves to the picture. We didn't make it and we have no command over what it does or how it is seen. We can say all we want that "that's not me", but who should care, and how would you convince them otherwise? What is more, anything you "have" can be taken away from you. Lose your car, your house, your job, and what is left, as experience and life has shown us, is a broken, lost, forlorn individual. A miserable wretch, or maybe even a suicide. Yes, it can be existential.

What you are, on the other hand, is what you are. What you are cannot be taken from you and only you can change it. You are free to decide if you are generous or stingy, compassionate or cruel, kind or abusive, loving or hateful, helpful or hurtful. We should also recall that we like some things and dislike others, but too often we don't know why. The Quest that I have been dwelling on for the past few posts is there, primarily, to discover these what's and why's; your strengths and weaknesses; your inclinations and aversions; what fills you with joy, what with despair; what you believe and how you have come to believe it; whether life is meaningful or meaningless, and more. To glean these insights, though, you have to be prepared to take a good, hard, honest look at yourself. It takes courage. Truth be told, getting past the Terror of the Threshold is the easy part.

And for as ephemeral as it all sounds, this you is the one that can withstand all the onslaughts, distortions, and vagaries to which it is subjected. It is only when you Know Thyself that you can expose the pictures, perceptions and ideas of us for the illusions they are. When you do, you make your insides like your outsides, so to speak -- toku k'varo, as one tradition puts it -- you exhibit existential integrity, you become transparent (not invisible), in a sense, a what-you-see-is-all-you're-ever-going-to-get person. Take the chance. Cross the threshold. Pursue the Quest. Find out who you really are.

Be all that you can be ... be you.

The terror of the threshold

The reason that most of us never undertake this all-too-human Quest -- the Hero's Journey -- is quite simple: we're afraid. I'm not going to go so far as to say we're cowards, but we're afraid nevertheless. What might we be required to do? What tasks might we be charged with? What happens if you fail? And, one of the biggest fears: What if I find something I don't like (or can't stand or am ashamed of or embarrassed by or ...)? Nope, better not risk it. Better stay right here where, if it isn't safe and warm, at least I can distract myself by pretending I'm a fire-breathing dragon and acquiring riches and hostages I can't do anything with, but at least I'll be able to fool some of the others.

Within the Western esoteric and spiritual tradition, this fundamental fear has been personified in a figure known as the Terror of the Threshold. Crossing a threshold, of course, is a metaphor for a significant, deep-reaching change, like when a groom carries his bride over the threshold, or when you go from the safe, protected environment of your childhood home and go out into the big, bad world. And that Fear that keeps us back, from taking that first step, from embarking on our Quest, is the Terror of the Threshold.

Most people don't know (or won't admit) that there is a threshold, let alone that they might one day have (or want) to cross it. Most of us (falsely) believe we know ourselves, we think we know who we are, we think we know what we want and how we have to deal with the world around us. Most of us, of course, are simply full of crap. We have no real idea of who we are, what we really want (out of life), or what we should be doing with our lives. Most of us are caught up in the propaganda of consumerism: the bigger house, the faster car, the smarter phone, the prestigious job ... oh, the list goes on and on. But, when you stop to look at all those things that we think are important in life, we soon realize that they all have one prominent feature in common: they are only things that we can have.

"Having" is not in and of itself bad. We need food, clothing, shelter, security ... all good things to have; and we'd like recognition, acceptance, love ... all things that make us feel complete. But this is only part of the story. What we are is much more important than what we have. (And if you're having difficulty distinguishing between the two notions, I highly recommend Fromm's To Have or To Be?) Like the dragon mentioned above, it's easy to have things: all you have to do is take them. Whether they are good for us, whether they have meaning or make sense is, at least to the dragon, beside the point. The point is having, pure and simple. Ahh ... but what you are ... now, that's a whole different story.

Of course, there is more than one of you who are asking themselves just what all this romantic blather has to do with anything substantial, and I can only answer "everything". And next time, I'll tell you why.

Invisible heroes

There was a time when we could still be invisible. There was a time, not so long ago, when you could just blend into the background and nobody really knew you were there. You didn't have to be seen if you didn't want to be. The masses that surrounded you provided a degree of anonymity that we simply took for granted. Oh, sure, everybody was pushing you to "get out there", to "make yourself known", to "be your own person". That's what a competitive society expects, at any rate. And Warhol's dictum about everyone's 15 minutes of fame brought a few out of the woodwork that didn't necessarily have to be center stage. But, it was possible to stay out of the limelight, out of the spotlight, if you really wanted to.

Those days are long gone. There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. More of you is available to more people than you ever dreamed possible. Oh, everything out there is not all accurate, to be sure. There are contradictions and changes and reversals and who knows what else, but there's no real way to put it all together in a coherent picture. You're exposed, but you're incomplete. It all adds up to a something-like-you, but not really you, if you even really know who you are. More and more, that chaotic mass of perceptions and details and factoids is you ... and you for all the world to see.

If you can't get away anymore, what do you do? Like I said before, you have to be aware and take care. But the last time I mentioned that it was all about what's going on outside, out there, in the public -- and, as the FBI and NSA have so often reminded, almost public. The same tactics apply inside, in here where it's just between me, myself and I. Truth be told, that's the far more crucial realm, and it could be the last great frontier, if we had but the courage to go for it.

For all the chaos and mayhem most of them tend to cause, one of the fundamental tenets of all major religions has been this not-to-be-taken-lightly inner journey. The charge inscribed across the portal to the temple to Apollo at Delphi stated it about as simply as it gets: "Know Thyself". Throughout most of our history as human beings, this Quest, I'll call it, has played a central, constitutive part of our mythologies. Campbell's Hero With A Thousand Faces was part and parcel of our understanding of ourselves. Alas, we demythologized the world, became advanced, made progress, scientized and sanitized ourselves, and now our lives have become rather empty of meaning, but full of things and gadgets and opinions and attitudes, or whatever else it is from facing ourselves.

Back in the late 80s, there was a glimmer of hope that we might pick up the torch again, for example with Bly's Little Book on the Human Shadow, but the Wall fell and Capitalism allegedly seized the day and we were able to get intoxicated once again on things and progress and money and burning more oil and heating up the planet. If you're consumed with getting ahead, you've simply got no time for getting into yourself. Your Ego, sure, but the rest? Not so much.

After all, it's a risky endeavor with an uncertain outcome, and what is more, it could demand an heroic amount of effort, or even be, heaven forbid, dangerous. What kind of fool runs an errand like that?

Ask Shakespeare.

And just who am I?

Too much is too little ... too little is never enough ... less is more ... how much is enough? We live in confusing times. We're somehow caught between overexposure and invisibility. Not everybody needs to know everything, but where does one draw the line? Where can you draw the line? Facebook. Linked-in. But I need the loan. And then there's the telephone company, the insurance company, my healthcare provider, my doctor, when does my employer get involved? Yep, there we are -- all of us -- right there, between a rock and hard place.

Nobody's perfect. Nothing we make is perfect. No system is perfect. What's the difference between Jane Doe in Kansas and Jane Doe in New York? Well, obviously where they live. My Ms Doe in Kansas moved to New York City and shortly thereafter one Ms Doe moved to Kansas from New Mexico, to avoid the police, it turns out. And, as fate would have it, Ms Original-New-York Doe gets arrested because of a mix-up in the search algorithm. By the time she gets it sorted, her reputation is in the trash and she's unemployed. The true culprit is eventually brought to justice (Americans like happy ends), but the collateral damage is great and due to the publicity, Ms Original-Kansas Doe really can't go home anymore. Sure, none of us has anything to hide, but that may not matter.

What's the point? The same one I make time and time again: we need to be aware and we need to care. It's not just enough that we look out for ol' #1 and not worry about the rest. What can happen to Jane Doe can happen to me or you or anyone else. Mistakes are not only possible, they are made all the time. We need to be aware of who knows what about us and who we share our information with and what those individuals can and may do with that information once they have it. We need to be aware of what we let others know and when and how. We need to care about having rules in place to protect ourselves and others and we need to take care that those whom we entrust with providing us protection are doing their jobs.

Of course, if you live in a world of mistrust and suspicion, in a world where the greedy are free to take advantage of the needy, a world in which competition is fierce and winning makes all the difference, in a world of enforced conformity and toeing-the-line, well, you may have a bit of tough going over the mid-term. The horse may be gone and you may discover that your barn doesn't even have a door. What's worse, you may not even know you had a horse, or a barn for that matter. Sometimes it seems like others know more about you than you know about yourself. But that raises the question as to what do you really know about yourself to begin with?

Do you really know yourself or do you just know what you want to know about yourself? It's not a trick question ... it's a deadly serious one. And today, it's a more important one than it has ever been before.