Common is not the same

There is something I think I should make clear. Common is not the same as same.

I'm fully aware that we in the Western World place a high value on individuality, but truth be told, most people have no idea what they are talking about. We think we have to be different from everyone else, but we never want to stick out in a crowd or elsewhere. We think we have to be unique, but that's something we are by nature (no two human beings are identical, not even monozygotic twins), but it is so subtle that no one notices anyway. We say things like we have to be our own person, or march to our own drummer, or whatever other sappy metaphors may come to mind, but deep down, we're more like others than different from them.

In fact, we are so much alike that it is simply a lot of fun to find out what the subtle differences are, be they favorite songs of groups we both like, or different shades of the same color, or more sweet or savory dishes. The list and the possibilities are endless. What is so interesting about it all is that regardless how different we are, we're still very much the same, but we're not the same. We simply have a lot of things in common.

While are lot of people I know aren't up to it, I find this exercise particularly fascinating when I do it with people whom I can't imagine I have much in common, say, young, radical people of color, or maybe middle-aged, white, self-professed, religious ultra-conservatives. I don't care who it is, or what they think, or what they think is right, I am always surprised by how much common ground we can find. Granted, these common points are not in politics or religion, but they are definitely there at the human, feeling level. We often share the same fears and apprehensions, have the same doubts, but are thrilled by similar things too, like literature, music, art, or just a sunny afternoon in the Biergarten. I think it's important that we take that in and not only savor it, but also remember it. Later, in the heat of an argument, it is all to easy to forget that our argumentation partner is a human being too, one with dreams, hopes, and feelings, just like myself. We may not and we may never agree on how to get to our goals, but at some point we realize that our goals are not all that different: a simple, secure life in which we have time to do things we enjoy with the people we love. It's surprising how little of that there is these days.

Let's face it, some people are bucking for a promotion, trying to score the big deal, make a fortune or win the lottery, and they lose sight of the fact that believing that having enough money will mean having enough time never really works out. Others are simply struggling to get by, working two or more part-time jobs, trying to keep the collection agents at bay and making the rent. In both cases, we have too little of what makes us human, and we have too little because we have simply forgotten what is really important in life.

Sometimes just knowing that others are struggling like you are is enough to form some kind of bond. Showing a bit of understanding, and even performing the random act of kindness with someone you normally would never, ever even think of associating with can do a lot to help you get off dead center. But, don't believe me, just because I'm telling you. Give it a shot. Find out for yourself.

What the system doesn't like, the system will fight

TPTB, or "the system", if we choose, like to have things their way. That's been pretty much standard for most of the history of humankind. The apathy of the Baby Boomers has mutated into an active I-don't-care in many of their offspring. Though most have believed throughout history that strong leadership and beneficial policies must come from the top, there is a growing number of people, both old and young, who know that's simply not true.

The pessimistic view sees everything is broken, and it is: our political and governance systems, our educational and training systems, our financial and economic systems, our legal and (so-called) justice systems, our religious systems ... and the pessimist is right, they are broken, most beyond repair. Those running or managing those systems never tire of telling us they are either not broken (which certainly doesn't ring true because we all see that they are) or that they can fix them, which they can't (or don't want to), otherwise they would. The optimists think we should support them in making the necessary changes, but sooner or later they realize that nothing is really going to change because, well, nothing is really going to change ... officially.

So, while some people are thinking about what can (or should) be done, others are simply doing it. There are any number of things ... little things, seemingly insignificant things, but important things ... that can be done. It all starts with talking, really. I don't mean talking about the weather with your neighbor or the cashier at the supermarket, I mean talking about things that matter with people who matter to you. The question cannot be "What can we do to change things?" Rather, the question is simply, "How can we make our (not my) immediate lives better?" But, what's "better".

This is pretty simple too: "better" is less stressful, more rewarding, more harmonious, move involved, more communal. Celebrating a birthday is always better with others than alone. Holidays are more enjoyable with family or friends than "just the two of us". Once we realize that a helping hand is worth its weight in gold, we can learn to accept support from others in doing whatever it is we think needs to be done. What starts at home, in house and garden, can slowly, but steadily expand to the immediate neighbors, the neighborhood and beyond.

The key, however ... and I can't stress this enough ... is finding what we share in common, not what makes us different. In other words, in spite of all differences between us, there is still a whole lot we have in common. These can be wishes, hopes, dreams or aspirations. The moment we realize that if my neighbor is doing well, I'm probably doing well, too. But, believe me, folks, that's where it starts. So, if you're already on good terms with your neighbors, expand your horizons, increase your action radius, find someone different to find out what you have in common. Just do it.

Maybe there's change in the air

Truth be told, I'm rather ecstatic about hearing that there are young people who aren't willing to worship the Golden Calf, even if most of them wouldn't know what that metaphor meant. There appears to be a growing number of young people who are realizing that what their parents and, maybe even grandparents, are telling them is hollow, empty, and untrue.

Let's face it, you can work your butt off and be let go at the very next downsizing. It's not personal, it's business. What you do doesn't matter. Only what the books look like matters. How much pain and suffering are inflicted upon how many people -- and I'm only talking about our oh-so-modern-and-advanced, industrialized West -- because of abject poverty or, what may be even worse, the fear of falling through the non-existent social safety net into that poverty? It is a well-know fact that fear causes stress and that too much stress will make you ill, if not ultimately kill you. Thankfully, more and more young people are realizing that the benefits never really justify the efforts. It's a gamble at best, and some people are simply dealt better hands.

On top of all of this, we're faced with too many unsolvable problems these days. Yes, there are political blockheads who will never cease trying to tell us there is no such thing as science and global warming and pollution and blood-for-oil and addiction to fossil fuels that hard work will make you rich. But it's too easy to see them for what they are, namely, ignorant, obsequious pawns of merely monied interests. This isn't a new phenomenon, by any means, for in my own time, many of us realized just how phony the obsession with money was. A good number just opted out of the system -- they were called "beats" before my time and "hippies" in my time, and while they got the point right, they never quite figured out the process. I'm thinking that maybe that's what's changing.

Though not in the headlines every day, where they should be, there is an increasing number of people who are simply turning their backs on the "system" and doing what they know is right. They are establishing multi-generational living spaces, cooperative enterprises, locally owned utilities, public initiatives that are helping themselves and those around them live better lives. Have they solved the problems of the world? Of course not, but they have realized how much can be done if you simply do it. All of these efforts are, of course, set up within the boundaries currently permitted, but they have effects beyond that.

What's different? The attitude. In each and every one of these successful projects, the primary concern is WE. None of them are single-handed, individualistic, only-me-benefitting undertakings. They are about getting together to do more than any single person can and in which no single person has any more benefit than anyone else. This is bad news for "the system", and the system knows it.

There's never enough time

There's never enough time ... at least not enough to really do what we want. It seems the more "advanced" our society becomes, the less time we have for things, important things, like family, friends, rest, relaxation, reflection. All our conveniences and labor-saving devices have failed us. How many of you feel like you're working more than ever, even if it's only because your mobile (cell) is on making you "on call". When I travel -- which is way too often -- I see people of all ages, glued to their devices, be they smartphones, tablets, or laptops. Some very few are listening to music or playing games, but most of what I see looks like work: lots of spreadsheets, lots of calendars, lots of email windows with long, long lists, and serious-looking PDFs. There are some Luddite-likes on board; that is, people working on paper. But these, too, often look like printed versions of what others have on-screen. Sure, during normal working hours this doesn't strike me as odd, but I'm talking about evenings and weekends. I hate it when I have to do business travel at these times, and I avoid it as much as possible. But even when I must, I certainly see no reason why that should obligate me to do business then as well. Sometimes, we simply need some time to ourselves.

You see, our modern, average work week is somewhere between 35 and 40 hours. It seems to me that if this is what we are paid for (and granted, here in Europe, many employers have general-time and/or comp-time accounts for their employees, most of which I've ever heard about have upward limits ... and oddly enough, everyone I've ever talked to was always pushing those limits as it is), this is what is expected of us. I'm the last one to advocate just letting your pencil drop at 4 or 5 or whenever the working day is over, and there may be exceptions to the rule, but what happens when the exceptions become the rule? This is what I'm seeing too much of, and it bothers me. A lot.

What I see are too many parents who are either working or going back and forth to work, so the children are too often on their own or with a baby-sitter. I see men and women consumed by their jobs and unable to switch gears for the family. I see kids who are shuffled from school to sports activities to music lessons to tutoring sessions to who-knows-where-else so they'll have greater opportunities in life. But what opportunities are we talking about? It's clear: a life of work-work-work with little family and if you end up with one, not knowing what to do with it, because you never learned how, because you never experienced one growing up.

But here's the real issue: why do we work so hard and so long? Because we need (and there are some who want) the money. We do it for the money. In the end, it's about money. The house, the car, the alma mater, the boat, the plane, the power weekend in the Caymans ... but money, well, there's are some things it just can't buy, like peace of mind, love, friendship, compassion.

Recently I read that some US law firms started offering dual career paths for incoming associates. You could choose a modest, but decent salary, a 40-hour (only) week, and no real chance for advancement; or, you could opt for the standard career path: long hours, big bonuses, and a chance at becoming a partner one day. The encouraging news was they were having trouble finding recruits for the partner path. Maybe, just maybe, younger people are realizing how ridiculous our generation has made the world. At least it's reason for hope.