Really free?

I know there are some who would make the case that freedom, regardless of how you define it, is an illusion, that we're not free at all. I'm not willing to go there. The Germans have a wonderful word, fremdbestimmt that describes this state of being very well. In essence the word means that you're simply not mistress of master of your own destiny, your actions are being determined by forces outside yourself.

This is something we can all relate to, I believe. There are times when we feel overwhelmed by the expectations and demands placed upon us. It is precisely at these times, however, that the ability to say "no" comes in particularly handy. Our innate ability to do just that makes a lot of difference in my mind.

Just because we can does not mean that we will nor even that we believe we can. When our boss tells us to do something we don't want to do, we don't immediately think of saying "no". The more authority we perceive that person to have, the less likely we are to say "no". Why? In simplest terms because we're afraid of the consequences. If I tell my boss "no", I might be fired, and I have to assess how much that matters. But what if your life is threatened? Or let us say that you have every reason to believe that your life is being threatened, how willing are you to assert your ability to say "no".

It's a tough question to answer, I believe. I believe there are lots of people who put up with lots of abuse because they feel they are in no position to say "no". We're not very kind to those who don't exercise that prerogative when after the fact we sit in judgment on them. Is everyone who lives under an authoritative regime, for example, worthy of punishment for not rebelling against that regime? When asked in the abstract, it is easy to come to an answer, isn't it? If you're not in the situation yourself, it is a no-brainer as to how you would react. I'm not sure it's a good idea to make things so simple for ourselves. There is much more at stake than may first meet the eye.