Flights of fancy

Talk about making things up ... one has already and next week the other of the two-ring circuses is going to start in America. I'm talking about the national conventions for the two big parties. And a party they will be, I am sure: lots of balloons, confetti, streamers, zippy music, yelling, singing, jumping, bumping, dancing and applause ... lots and lots of applause. But who's being applauded?

If I remember the last time I watched part of one of these spectacles correctly, it was a lot of just applauding oneself. For example, as a delegate, you got to put on a funny hat and hold up a sign and jiggle it or wave it when you were told, and every single one of those delegates was from absolutely the best state America has to offer. It will be the best convention ever held, in the best city by the best hosts, and it will produce the best results ever. Both of them. It makes you wonder.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against fun. I'm all for it. I don't think we have enough fun in our lives, but the lunacy that is about to be unleashed upon us, is really not my idea of fun. In a certain regard, the shows in Tampa and Charlotte are simply emblematic of what's wrong with America these days. Really. I'm not bashing, I'm just saying. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll have a lot of explaining to do, because for an outsider, well, it's just hard to get your head wrapped around all that craziness.

Don't we already know who's going to be nominated? If the platforms have been established already - and they have - why hold a convention? If the campaign approaches have already been decided upon - and they have - what's the convention for? Hasn't the real election campaign already begun? If the people to run were picked ahead of time, what's the purpose of the convention? I don't know, and that's what I'll tell all who ask me. But, it's not really what I think.

I remember the first convention I ever watched ... OK, saw parts of ... it was the Republican convention in the run-up to the 1956 election. I was home sick and that was all that was on either of the two channels we had back then. I didn't understand much of it then, and it was unbearable to watch. (No wonder I became a voracious reader. It wasn't so limiting.) Back then, my parents really couldn't explain to me what the show was all about, and now, so many years later, I'm not better positioned to explain to my friends and co-workers what's going on either.

No, back then, it was just too silly. A whole lot of hoopla, and not a lot of substance. I don't think it has changed, but all the heads will be talking and "analyzing" and discussing, and my friends and co-workers are going to be asking what it's all about. It was silly then; it's silly now. And for the next couple of weeks, that's the impression America will be making on the rest of the world: silly.