What we don't want

Just like our reflection on Bowen's song showed us, home can be a lot of things to a lot of people. Regardless of what we might specifically think it is, one thing is certain, we are dead certain when we don't have it. In other words, it almost seems as if we have a clearer idea of what it isn't than what it is.

This isn't all that uncommon really. When it comes to the really big-ticket items ... Gd, Life, Happiness, Peace of Mind, Success ... we really can't just sit down and explain it to someone, describe in detail what it is. About all we can do is say what it isn't. When we have a clearer idea of what something isn't, all of that knowledge (and it is truly knowledge, for it aids us in doing things), can be brought to bear on our striving toward those ideals. Instead of seeking the positive things, the positive characteristics, it is often easier to simply avoid the things that will thwart our efforts. If you want to be happy, start avoiding things that make you unhappy. You may not get to your goal all at once, but you're certainly closer.

This approach isn't anything new, that's for sure. St. Thomas Aquinas and his fellow Scholastics made great use of it. They even had a name for it, the via negativa (the negative way). This isn't the curmudgeon's get-into-jail-free card, it is just a more pragmatic approach to staying out of trouble, hence out of unhappiness, which by default puts us closer to what we really want to be, namely happy. The method, this approach, if you will, has fallen somewhat out of favor in our modern, be-positive world, but there are those around, like the Swiss author and consultant Rolf Dobelli, who promote it very actively and make it the centerpiece of their own activities.

It would seem, however, that the old Dale Carnegie power-of-positive-thinking is still holding sway, but how many of you have secretly given up on being positive about everything. You set yourself up for disappointment when you're always striving for something positive and barely ever attain it. Or we do finally attain it and realize it isn't what we thought it would be. Don't you just hate when that happens! I do. No, it would seem that maybe we don't always specifically know what we want. And if we don't, but we don't want to do nothing until we've got it all figured out, well, that's the time to head out on the good old via negativa

It may not be the panacea that some of you may be looking for, but I'm willing to bet it's a better deal that what you've got going right now. What's really good about it is that it can be applied to just about anything we want to achieve, attain, reach, you name it. You don't have to go for the gusto, just avoid what it isn't. It can't be any simpler than that.