Common is not the same

There is something I think I should make clear. Common is not the same as same.

I'm fully aware that we in the Western World place a high value on individuality, but truth be told, most people have no idea what they are talking about. We think we have to be different from everyone else, but we never want to stick out in a crowd or elsewhere. We think we have to be unique, but that's something we are by nature (no two human beings are identical, not even monozygotic twins), but it is so subtle that no one notices anyway. We say things like we have to be our own person, or march to our own drummer, or whatever other sappy metaphors may come to mind, but deep down, we're more like others than different from them.

In fact, we are so much alike that it is simply a lot of fun to find out what the subtle differences are, be they favorite songs of groups we both like, or different shades of the same color, or more sweet or savory dishes. The list and the possibilities are endless. What is so interesting about it all is that regardless how different we are, we're still very much the same, but we're not the same. We simply have a lot of things in common.

While are lot of people I know aren't up to it, I find this exercise particularly fascinating when I do it with people whom I can't imagine I have much in common, say, young, radical people of color, or maybe middle-aged, white, self-professed, religious ultra-conservatives. I don't care who it is, or what they think, or what they think is right, I am always surprised by how much common ground we can find. Granted, these common points are not in politics or religion, but they are definitely there at the human, feeling level. We often share the same fears and apprehensions, have the same doubts, but are thrilled by similar things too, like literature, music, art, or just a sunny afternoon in the Biergarten. I think it's important that we take that in and not only savor it, but also remember it. Later, in the heat of an argument, it is all to easy to forget that our argumentation partner is a human being too, one with dreams, hopes, and feelings, just like myself. We may not and we may never agree on how to get to our goals, but at some point we realize that our goals are not all that different: a simple, secure life in which we have time to do things we enjoy with the people we love. It's surprising how little of that there is these days.

Let's face it, some people are bucking for a promotion, trying to score the big deal, make a fortune or win the lottery, and they lose sight of the fact that believing that having enough money will mean having enough time never really works out. Others are simply struggling to get by, working two or more part-time jobs, trying to keep the collection agents at bay and making the rent. In both cases, we have too little of what makes us human, and we have too little because we have simply forgotten what is really important in life.

Sometimes just knowing that others are struggling like you are is enough to form some kind of bond. Showing a bit of understanding, and even performing the random act of kindness with someone you normally would never, ever even think of associating with can do a lot to help you get off dead center. But, don't believe me, just because I'm telling you. Give it a shot. Find out for yourself.