The other

A short while ago I had the great privilege of participating in a fascinating online discussion ... one of those kind of discussions that's best had with a case of beer in the dorm. Since we were all sober, of course, we didn't solve all the problems of the world, but I think talks like that one are also a step in the right direction.

We didn't agree on anything, and no sooner did any two participants come to an understanding, someone jumped in with the disrupting argument, and off we went again. In the end, we didn't even agree to disagree, but rather most exhausted from all the effort, it ended as it quietly as it had started, but a lot was achieved ... at least as far as I'm concerned.

We talked. We didn't talk at each other. We didn't talk down to each other. We didn't about each other. No, we talked to each other. We talked with each other. We talked. We challenged each other. We argued, too. But, we talked. We shared, we gave and took. We cajoled, disputed, took issue, insisted, repeated, emphasized ... and listened. Yes, listening (that is, letting words in) is every bit as important as talking (letting words out). And that is what made it so worthwhile.

Opportunities like that one don't come along very often, and they are almost impossible to plan. They spontaneously combust, but too often flare out as quickly as they flare up. At times, though, when the circumstances are right, they just happen, and I can only encourage you to keep your senses alert for any one that might come along. Sometimes just letting it happen is better than trying to make it happen.

It can only happen, of course, if you are open to the other, if you take him or her seriously, if you are willing to listen. I was getting a bit concerned that nobody really knew how to listen anymore, but that little online discussion renewed my hope. We just didn't talk, we listened. OK, it was a bit rusty in places, that is true, but it wasn't broken. A little oil, work it a little, and that listening skill will be as good as new.